balancing at the midpoint
balancing at the midpoint
sitting and listening, we're at the midway point of the winter season, between the Winter Solstice, and the Spring Equinox.
Greetings from exactly 207 degrees SW. The sun is out full force today. For the first time in a while I was up before my alarm, and sitting outside with the light hitting my eyes, the key was moving before my brain had time to catch up with me and lull me back into a half hearted sleep. I’ve been moving slowly today, but not without some kind of intention.
This question has been looking at me today, “Will the choice I’m about to make bring me closer to the life I want?” I’m trying to look back at it without judgement, rush, or resistance, all proving to be hard, and showing me where there are gaps in my labor of coming back to loving myself. I see this question and I immediately think about where I’m coming up short, where I could be more ambitious, or how many hours I wasted on instagram (the other day it was 4, no kidding), this question makes me judgemental and often halts me in my tracks. My challenge is coming to this resistance with humility, gently asking it, what can you show me? What dreams have been stashed away? What have I been shy to sit with? What life do I want? What is keeping me from the belief that the life I built, the one I’m currently living, is valid, and good enough? When I put enough space between myself and the judgements I’m reminded that I can begin again, right now, in this moment. I can sit with this life as it is right now, and look at the next move with a bit more clarity. Maybe put the gd phone down, get outside and look out at the trees, open myself up enough to think about…nothing.
We’re still in winter, even with this warmth. I’m sitting here in borrowed socks and my new winter jacket, the sun is out and the greens are bright and sharp. I’m in no rush, I’m in now rush. I’m right here, I’m right here.
Last weekend we took a trip to Lake Arrowhead, I opted for a walk in the snow at Heap’s Peak while everyone else took to the slopes. I hope you can hear the ice crunching through the screen.
I hope you’re finding rest at this midpoint, I love you!